Legends on Lark: go for the Happy Hour, stay a little longer for the Happy Hour, then get the hell outta there

Hey!  If you want a delicious, highly enjoyable lunch, do yourself a favor:  head over to Legends on Lark and grab a seat at the completely empty bar.  Order an ice cold, gross-but-good-for-two-dollars pint of Sierra Nevada from whichever miserable and/or comatose bartender is working that day.  When you finish, order another.  Then ask to see the menu, and look it over

Study it carefully, commit it to memory if possible, because these are items you should never, ever, never, fucking EVER order, no matter how hungry you are.  Then get up and run the fuck out the door and up the street to Hot Dog Heaven, and grab a couple of Big Dogs with the works.  Go back to work smelling like beer and chili sauce, and tell the prick who sits in front of you to deal with it.


Trust me.  I speak from experience, and each time I have ordered the "food" from Legends and attempted to consume it I thought to myself, "Hmmm.  If shit could puke, and then I ate shit's puke, it would taste exactly like this better than this."  Then, in a valiant effort to wash out the taste I proceeded to get drunk as fuck - my mistake, as it turns out.  Because this only led to me completely forgetting and subsequently repeating the entire dreaded goddam episode on several separate occasions.  Ironic?  Perhaps.  Terrifying?  Only to your digestive system.